| Image via DenTek |
Let us humbly give thanks for DenTek and Reynolds Wrap (Published in the Springville Independent News) In our age of instantaneous communication, it’s kind of weird to write a time-sensitive column for a weekly newspaper. Here I am, a full week away from Thanksgiving, but by the time you read this (you are going to read it, aren’t you?) the wishbone will be long since snapped. So I’m kind of going out on a limb assuming the world will by and large be the same in seven days as it is now. But what if the Pikachu float goes rogue and knocks over seven buildings at the Macy’s parade? What kind of insensitive lout will I look like if I’ve written about how the parade is the ideal time to bond with loved ones? But I digress — it’s time for an attitude of gratitude. I’d like to use this Thanksgiving column to recognize the ingenius advances in technology that have changed the world in my very lifetime. The iPad, you suggest? Or the iPhone? iBeg to differ. Sure, people point to these sexy, aluminum-bodied gizmos as paragons of progress, but I say let’s hear it for the unsung workhorses of innovation that have truly changed our civilization. Without further ado (not that I don’t love ado): 1st Place — DenTek disposable flossers: “You’ve really got to floss regularly,” my dental hygienist would scold. I’d nod and vow I would, but I knew it was a lie. We both knew it. Then these plastic throwaway floss picks came along and made an honest man out of me. Tell me — how many iPads have rescued you from the grips of gingivitis? 2nd Place — Double-ridged yogurt cups: I’m no packaging expert (apparently few people are, seeing as how blister packs are still around) but whoever came up with this Yoplait cup deserves a Nobel prize. You know how most yogurts spray out when you open them, no matter how gently you peel the foil corner? Well, try peeling one of these puppies. Your necktie will thank you. (Note: I don’t know that the double-ridged rim is the component responsible for this miracle. For all I know, Yoplait altered its formula so its yogurt wouldn’t be so lively. Either way, I’m grateful.) 3rd Place — Reynolds crockpot liners: She cooks. I wash the dishes. That’s the arrangement, which had always suited me perfectly — except for the crockpot meals. Sure, the eats are good, but who has the hours — nay, days! — it takes to remove the beef stew and potato barnacles that cement themselves to the crockpot’s interior? But this year we discovered Reynolds disposable liners, and now I don’t even know what to do with all the free time! Maybe I’ll learn Russian, or the violin... Honorable Mention — Wish-Bone salad dressing spritzers: I enjoy this one vicariously, because for me eating a salad is nothing more than a chore, like folding socks. But my wife? It wouldn’t surprise me if she pinned leaves of particularly memorable salads in her scrapbook. The Wish-Bone spritzer does exactly what its name suggests (and one calorie per spritz!), and my wife is enamored with it. Enjoy this, Wish-Bone, because this is the first and last time I’ll ever commend the salad industry. |
