| Image via M@ |
While scraping the bottom of the idea barrel for Halloween costumes, I've taken a jaunt down memory lane. Join me, won't you? (I've also been scraping the joke barrel for something about memory lane intersecting with Spook Alley; after 10 minutes, I’ve got nothing, so do your own.) Age 5: The Tat My memory of this one is hazy, but photographic evidence proves I'm an adorable black cat, especially when I say it "tat." I'm also a spiteful feline, as seen in home video of me mocking my brother Brent, the sobbing 3-year-old ghost. I was just getting into catty character. 6-8: The Ninja Turtle Nobody worshipped the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles more than me. Nobody. My Turtle Power devotion included creating my own sais, nunchucks, sword and bo staff out of Construx, a marvelous building set that was sort of a hybrid between Erector Sets and Legos. With my green sweats and a poster-board shell that my mom made, I was ready to roam any sewer. 9: The Ninja My saddest Halloween ever was when I was a ninja (the mature, all-natural, human type). My friend’s folks were driving us from house to house, and at every stop we raced each other to the doorbell. Greg, dressed as a clown, sprung prematurely from the car and somehow got his leg run over. In retrospect, and knowing that Greg didn’t suffer any serious injury, the whole ordeal is kind of funny, what with the sad clown bit and all, but at the time it was quite traumatic. I remember grimly shuffling along the curb afterward, trying to get back into the spirit of things. It was no use. 10: The Garbage Can My mom could do anything with poster board. The trash can, with authentic pieces of trash glued to the top (nothing soggy or toxic), was the zenith of my Halloween career. 14: The Punk I was never what you’d call an “edgy teen” (unless you’d call Arthur the Aardvark “edgy”). So when I went as a punk one year, it took some doing. I had to buy baggy jeans, a Mossimo hat and cheap metal rings to cut and bend into body piercings. Up until that night, I’d secretly coveted this rebellious alter-ego, but when all the adults turned their noses up at me and sniffed, “Too cool for a costume, mister?” I longed for my Ninja Turtle days. I’m just not cut out for rock and roll. 19: Jeff Rich I wore my friend Jeff’s blue leather jacket and striped shirt. He wore my gray puffy coat and Harry Potter shirt. Get it? 21: SpongeBob SquarePants Yellow foam eggcrate mattress + colored felt + knee-high socks + dress shoes = most popular costume of all time. That year my sister Katie also turned in her greatest get-up ever: a cardboard box painted like a wooden end-table, with an alarm clock and a lamp glued to the top. (One-night stand!) 22,23: Bob Wiley If you’ve never seen “What About Bob?” I just don’t know what to do with you. This costume was born when my brother and I stumbled upon replica Bob Wiley T-shirts (the baby-blue one with the giant, yellow “DON’T HASSLE ME I’M LOCAL” across the front). I also found baby-blue socks to go with my dress shoes, and even bought a live goldfish, named him “Gill,” and kept him in a mason jar slung around my neck. One of my finest years. My second year as Bob (bad form, I should have known) I went to a party and bumped into an impostor Bob who couldn’t be bothered with any costumery beyond the T-shirt he probably just bought the day before. I still hate that guy. 26: ? Any suggestions? |
