| Image via 1bog.org |
Measure never, cut thrice, tape twice It would monitor levels of incompetence, pigheadedness and thrift — though none of those would sound the alarm by itself (the poor thing would never rest, otherwise). No, the alarm is reserved for when that murderers’ row spikes in unison, because that means I’m about to roll up my sleeves and make something eight times harder than it needs to be. With such a detection system, I could have avoided washing my $20 hibachi grill in the bathtub, which resulted in hours of cleaning, a few ruined hangers, two Drano bottles and two days of showering with soapy ash floating up to my calves. And the DIY-detector would have definitely rescued me from my horrifying humidifier saga: First, the darn humidifier tank cracked when I dropped it on the bathroom floor. I taped it, obviously, because those things don’t grow on trees! Then it leaked all over the carpet. More tape. The carpet stayed soggy, but I put a towel out and plugged 'er back in, thinking it was mostly sealed. Wrongo bongo, Matt. The wet spot only grew. Now I had two options: buy a fan to blow on the giant wet spot all day ($15) or open some windows and hope for the best ($0)? I elected to let Mother Nature take a crack at it. Believe it or not, that December breeze didn’t do much for the wet spot, and I nearly froze for two days. Then it started to smell. So I laid out a gazillion paper towels ($5). Then I scattered eight cups of baking soda ($5), but that left a great deal of residue, even after an hour of vacuuming. Remembering the formula for sixth-grade chemistry volcano projects, I splashed on some vinegar ($4). The foam was certainly entertaining, but now I was left with meadow-scented concrete in the carpet fibers. So I rented a carpet cleaner ($25). Nope. I pulled up the carpet and pad and (don't ask) applied more baking soda ($5), then let the whole thing air out for a few days. It did the trick — mostly. I still have baking soda embedded in my carpet. It puffs out when you step on it. And the cement under the carpet pad looks like a talc mine. Also, I bought a new humidifier ($20). For those keeping score at home, that’s $75 and 10 hours of my life to halfway-fix what could have been totally fixed with $20 and five minutes at Walmart. My elbow grease and I sure showed them! I need that alarm soon. |
