| Image via the neutron dance |
I have a dream I’ve probably gone through the same nightmare at least 20 times in my life. The setting is always dark and debris-filled — something like a gutter on the side of an old country road, with lots of puddles and leaves strewn about. Suddenly, I find one of my front teeth has a little wiggle in it. I reach up to investigate, and *poink* out it drops into the dirty leaves. Then, just like that, all my teeth start tumbling out of my mouth, more than I can count; some I catch in my hands, others are scattered into the gutter at my feet. As is the case in most my dreams, I’ve got the dexterity and reaction speed of an oak tree, so the teeth are spilling faster than I can collect them. Sometimes the teeth not only fall out, but crumble into bits as well. I can only see by the light of the occasional passing car. I grab big fistfuls of debris, only to find that the teeth I think I've recovered are just rocks, acorns and roly polies. Farewell, teeth. You can see what a frustrating ordeal this would be. Perhaps I’m scarred by my two episodes of braces — including a year with the Herbst appliance, which Caligula probably invented during his brief dalliance in dentistry — but mostly I figured I was just a weirdo (not ruling it out). However, it turns out this is a very common dream. DreamMoods.com says it’s their most frequent submission for interpretation, and it indicates that the dreamer is anxious about his or her appearance. In fact, there was apparently a study done on menopausal women, who, while fretting about aging, lost their dream teeth more frequently than usual. My hot flashes and moodiness aside, the other theory is that it stems from a fear of being embarrassed in public. That would explain why, in my most recent toothless misadventure, I was also confronted with a double-whammy nudity nightmare. As I searched for a dentist that could reinstall the pile of moldy leaves and teeth back into my mouth, I realized I’d forgotten my pants. I was mortified, to be sure, but who has time for clothes when your teeth have staged a mass exodus out of your mouth? Fortunately, this was one of those where nobody notices my lack of pants. … or so I thought. Suddenly, my friend Jeff took me aside and said, “Matt, for crying out loud, get some pants on!” I guess Jeff was tired of making excuses for his nudist friend. Some pal — he didn’t even bother asking about my teeth. |
